


if u wanna get with me

by b0tticelli



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Birthday Presents, Explicit Sexual Content, Hahahahahahaaha, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:47:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22123570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0tticelli/pseuds/b0tticelli
Summary: Jaehyun never thought he would accidentally end up as a sex worker. Ten is adamant that he’s just an idiot, not a sex worker, but Jaehyun’s scanned the Wikipedia page and heknowsthings now.[or: Jaehyun starts a dick writing bizz on twt.com and Johnny is his best customer]
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 11
Kudos: 77





	if u wanna get with me

**Author's Note:**

> once upon a time there was a twitter where u could request this person to write people's names on their dicks. this story, of course, is inspired by that brave soul. wherever u are, thank you. 
> 
> so basically i just wanted to write something a little dumb n a little sexc so here we are <3 just a lil ficlet i don’t see being longer than like 10k, but .. we shall see ...
> 
> also thank u to sarah for developing this w/ me. <3
> 
> 1 month till johnny's bday haha no this wasn't planned at all

Jaehyun never thought he would accidentally end up as a sex worker. Ten is adamant that he’s just an idiot, not a sex worker, but Jaehyun’s scanned the Wikipedia page and he _knows_ things now. 

Jaehyun had become a proud (but discreet) sex worker and it had started like this: the room was spinning. Actually—Jaehyun was spinning in Minhyuk’s gaming chair because Minhyuk, thankfully, was out for the night so he was free to do as he pleased. So the room was spinning because Jaehyun was spinning in Minhyuk’s chair, and Jaehyun was also getting incredibly stoned with his childhood best friend, Seokmin. 

It was just a matter of the stars aligning, really. Seokmin was in town for the week, participating in some piano competition that was being held at Jaehyun’s university. He had made it through the first round of eliminations and instead of celebrating with the other participants, he opted to join Jaehyun to celebrate in their own wacky ways. 

It’s a celebration that included many snacks, dumb TV, and the borrowing of Minhyuk’s bong. Now, Jaehyun knew he wasn’t the perfect roommate, but he was far from a shitty one, so of course he supplied his own green to the two-man party. 

  
“Ugh no, I’m done. If I take another hit, I will literally melt into the floor,” Seokmin grumbles from somewhere underneath a pile of blankets that was formed into some kind of summoning circle, or nest—Jaehyun wasn’t sure what Seokmin was into these days. He nods regardless, and sets Minhyuk’s bong down on his computer desk before scooting the chair closer to Seokmin. 

“You’ve gotten weak,” Jaehyun declares critically. Seokmin pokes his head out from the blankets to give Jaehyun a clear view of his scowl-turned-pout. 

“Your roommate’s boyfriend literally makes edibles like it’s a second job and I live with my parents still. You can’t judge me for that.” 

Jaehyun thinks about that and grins because it was a fair point. This wasn’t high school anymore and Jaehyun no longer had to sneak down into the alley behind his parent’s house to smoke out of a fucking bread bag, he could do _that_ in the comfort of his own kitchen.

“You’re right, I’ve gotten _stronger._ ” 

Seokmin tosses a pillow in his direction that pathetically doesn’t even come close to Jaehyun, but the sentiment was there. 

“Don’t let your newfound strength go to your head,” Seokmin says, reaching backwards for a bag of chips sitting on the coffee table. 

“I would never,” Jaehyun replies and after that, they fall into another lull of conversation. Seokmin puts some random anime on TV and Jaehyun continues to sink further in Minhyuk’s chair.

He has no idea what the concept of the show is, having spaced out in the beginning and being too out of his mind to keep up with the subtitles, so Jaehyun finds himself swiping through tinder with the enthusiasm of a cat. That is to say, his thumb was moving at the nonchalance of one wagging their tail as they sunbathed next to a window. Unfortunately, it proves to be fruitless, so Jaehyun proceeds to just sit there and outweigh the pros and cons of downloading Grindr again. 

“You are thinking way too hard right now,” Seokmin sing-songs, his voice yanking Jaehyun out of his own head. He looks at him and sees that he’s finally sitting upright, though the blanket is draped over his head like he’s the Virgin Mary. 

“I’m thinking just enough,” Jaehyun defends, then laments, “I’m thinking about my disaster hook-up the last time I got on Grindr. Wondering if it’s worth it to try it again.” 

Seokmin keels over dramatically and looks up at Jaehyun with obviously faked hurt in his eyes, “I’m in town for a couple days, choosing to spend a night here with you and you’re still thinking about getting your dick wet? In _my_ company?” Seokmin briefly pauses, then sits back up again, “Tell me about your disaster date, I wanna hear all about it.” 

Jaehyun huffs, a pout appearing on his lips as he replays _The Incident_ over again in his head.

“It shouldn’t have been _that_ bad,” Jaehyun begins, “I just forgot his name is all. And when it came down to it, I just moaned a name I _could_ remember and it turned out to be the same name as his ex.” 

Seokmin stares at him. 

“You’re telling me that you forgot his name,” he begins, “when you probably stared at his name every time you texted him.” 

Jaehyun shrugs, “It was an accident. You know I’m bad with names. It was just bad luck all around. What’s worse is that he turned out to be a friend of Yugyeom’s roommate. Apparently he cried?” 

The _worst_ thing that resulted from it was that Jaehyun was banned from Yugyeom’s apartment until the dude got over it. It was awful—Jaehyun had to miss out on a fun party last week thanks to him. 

“Jaehyun—at least tell me that you learned a lesson from all of this? That you took something away from the situation,” Seokmin whines, and then when Jaehyun responds with silence and pursed lips, “Do you at least remember his name now?” 

Jaehyun scratches his chin, eyes squinting, “It was Jae...something.” 

“Jae _something,_ ” Seokmin mimics with exasperation. 

“Hey, what does it matter now anyway?” Jaehyun replies, “And I apologized to him, so that’s all that matters, anyway.” 

Seokmin sighs again, offering Jaehyun a look of discontentment.

“I know your memory is more like a floppy disk than a USB drive,” Seokmin says while Jaehyun rolls his eyes because what was he, a _compsci_ major?, “but surely you’re aware that you’ve told me fairly similar stories to this one in the past?” 

“Yeah, I’m aware,” Jaehyun grumbles, sticking his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. 

“At this point, you’re better off writing your hookups name on your dick so you don’t forget their name.” 

Jaehyun scoots the chair closer to Seokmin and attempts to kick him in the head. 

“Don’t be disgusting,” Jaehyun says, “I wouldn’t write anyone’s name on my dick even if you _paid_ me.”

Seokmin is silent for a few short seconds and Jaehyun can practically hear the cogs turning inside his brain. And then, “I’ll pay you $10 right to write my name on your dick.” 

And well, Jaehyun could have said no. That would’ve been the end of it and they would go back to watching whatever Seokmin was trying to get Jaehyun into. However—$10 dollars was $10 and who was Jaehyun, a broke college student, to turn down easy money? 

Minutes later Jaehyun finds himself in his and Minhyuk’s shared bathroom with a pen laying on the vanity counter. 

Of course, after a failed attempt, he realizes that it’s much easier to write on an erect dick than a soft one. He thinks maybe it should have been harder to get hard when his childhood best friend was sitting on his living room floor just on the other side of the bathroom door, but his high brain lets those thoughts leave his mind easily. He thinks about much sexier scenarios instead. 

It doesn’t take long for Little Jaehyun to rise at full mast and he quickly grabs the pen and scribbles “DK :)” closer to the base. Admittedly, it makes for a very awkward picture because he’s sitting on the toilet (lid closed, of course), but he clicks it anyway and sends it to Seokmin. 

After, when Jaehyun has finished taking care of business, he sits on his couch and is forced to sit through Seokmin’s complaints. 

“I mean, it isn’t _bad,_ but I still think I deserve more than just 2 letters and a smiley face.” And then, “I’m going to print this out and frame it.” 

Maybe it’s just an attestment of how weird their friendship is, but Jaehyun is oddly touched by his declaration and nudges Seokmin’s shoulder fondly with his foot. 

Afterwards, they continue watching Seokmin’s anime and at some point it lulls Jaehyun right to sleep. They don’t wake up until mid morning and Jaehyun feels regret his the stiffness of his back for not moving to his bed. Fortunately, Minhyuk was still out, so Jaehyun has the chance to put everything back in place before he can find out that Jaehyun used his things. Of course, Minhyuk will know regardless, but his slaps always hurt less when the apartment is clean. While he does that, Seokmin takes over the kitchen to cook them whatever he can scrounge up from the pantry and fridge. 

Once everything is tidied up enough, Jaehyun grabs his phone and takes a seat at the barstool facing the kitchen. He realizes pretty quickly that his phone keeps lighting up with notifications. Jaehyun’s eyebrow furrows when he sees that they’re all from Twitter. His eyebrows raise in confusion because it wasn’t an app he opened often. 

See, Jaehyun made a Twitter back in high school so he could scream at celebrity accounts, but the gimmick got old pretty fast, and eventually he ended up just following animal accounts. It’s perfect to browse through whenever his mind is in an altared state and all he wants to do is just stare at some jellyfish. 

Needless to say, there wasn’t much interaction involved. Which is why when Jaehyun opens the app and the _20+_ bubble displays on his notifications _and_ DM’s, it was very confusing to him. It must show on his face, too, because after setting a bowl in front of him, Seokmin waves his hand in front of Jaehyun.

“What are you making that face for?” 

Jaehyun tilts his head away from him to tap on his notifications, “I have an shit ton of Twitter notifications and I don’t know—” 

The end of his sentence gets lost in his throat when he reads the tweet that spawned so many notifications: 

> @DKSKMN: My bro @jh_bastard will write ur name on his dick for 10$. DM him for inquires lmaooooo. 

Jaehyun blinks, suddenly feeling very wary of opening his DM’s. So instead, he looks at Seokmin. 

“What did you _do?_ ” 

The thing about Seokmin was that while he was a very good pianist, accomplished, the winner of many competitions—he was also famous online for posting anime impressions. Granted, he also did OST covers via piano and singing as well, but one could easily tell what got more _clout,_ as Seokmin would say. It was kind of cool in Jaehyun’s mind, but Seokmin favoured Twitter and _Tiktok,_ while Jaehyun was far more concerned with his Instagram theme—and his attention span was always better suited for Vine (may she rest in peace). 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Seokmin says with a smile that reveals he knows exactly what Jaehyun is talking about. 

“I’m terrified of opening my DM’s,” Jaehyun says flatly, shoving his phone into Seokmin’s face. Seokmin snorts and shoves it away. 

“Hey, what are you scared of, it’s not like they’ll be full of nudes,” he says, then decides he does want Jaehyun’s phone and takes it in his hands before reversing the roles and shoving it into Jaehyun’s face, “Lookie, people just wanna send you money so you’ll write names on your dick.” 

God, if Jaehyun could punch Seokmin, he would with ease. Unfortunately, he’d probably break his hand on Seokmin’s hard head. He looks at the several message previews on his phone screen and takes his phone back. 

“Why would you even _do_ this?” Jaehyun asks, opening opening a message and seeing it really is just someone asking how to pay him to right their friend’s name on his dick. The next few he opened were essentially the same and this kind of attention was starting to make his ears grow hot. 

“Honestly? You fell asleep before me and I got bored,” Seokmin fires back, the smile on his face so terribly ugly that Jaehyun can only sigh in a fondness developed only through years of friendship. Jaehyun matches his smile and brushes his fingers through Seokmin’s hair. He preens like a dog and that’s when Jaehyun takes the opportunity to tug roughly. 

Seokmin yelps and tries to get his revenge, which just causes the two to run around Jaehyun’s apartment until they’re both too winded to fight. Eventually, all is forgiven and they finish eating breakfast and make plans to meet up with other friends later in the day. 

Jaehyun ends up deleting his Twitter app for the time being, not sure how else to silence his notifications, but it does stay on his mind throughout the day. If he decides to redownload the app later that night once Seokmin’s left town, change his username and maybe answer a couple of messages—well, that’s just his business. 

♠♠♠

[Johnny’s iPhone]

From: Doie 

— John I swear to god I will murder you 

To: Doie 

— hbd doyoung <3 :) 

— _[tap to download image.]_

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/suhweaterpawz) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/b0tticelli)
> 
> thank you for reading. anticipate ch 2 soon <3


End file.
